To Be A Liberal...

• You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

• You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

• You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons and technology in the hands of the Iranians, Chinese and North Koreans.

• You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

• You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

• You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

• You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

• You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

• You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

• You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

• You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

• You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

• You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.

• You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

• You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

• You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

• You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

• You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

• You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

• You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."